Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

For those of you who may not be familiar, Mayday is the international distress code word for a situation in which a vessel, aircraft, vehicle, or person is in grave and imminent danger and requires immediate assistance. Examples of "grave and imminent danger" in which a mayday call would be appropriate include fire, explosion or sinking. Or major AWOL from Break Up Boot Camp. MAJOR AWOL!

I attempted two Mayday calls this morning, but was met on one call with a voice mail message and the other with a husband who was taking a group of 150 students to a theatre in downtown Chicago for a production of Sweeney Todd and couldn’t find his own ticket. Cheerily, I told him I would call his wife on her cell phone and upon hanging up, promptly…did not.

Now, past experience has told me “CALL YOUR FRIENDS. DO NOT – and I repeat – DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL HIM!” It’s a hideous compulsion. Why would you want to call someone who…okay, never mind! This is about ME. This is about MY healing. NOT him. Like I said: it’s a hideous compulsion. I wanted to call him and I didn’t want to call him and I let the “I want to call him” side take over because…because…going back to what’s familiar and comfortable is my default mode (next to crying, which I defaulted to today as well) and unless I stock my support arsenal to overflowing and sit on my flippin’ hands and pray my butt off, I will – oh, yes! – sabbotage myself! Ahh- the real enemy: ME!

I have barely dirtied my fitigues in Break Up Boot Camp and already I’m ahead of myself and fighting in the trenches. With a tissue as a weapon. Oooh – intimidating, I know. An imminent slow, painful death, to be sure.

So, yes: I phoned him. I won’t go into details. The call was short. Pointless. And just spun me so far out of myself that I am no better off than I was when I started writing last Sunday’s entry.
I need help. Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Fun Fact: “The call is always given three times in a row to prevent mistaking it for some similar-sounding phrase under noisy conditions, and to distinguish an actual mayday call from a message about a mayday call”(Wikipedia). Facts aside, I CLEARLY - no similar-sounding phrase about it - need help. I can’t spend every Sunday a big mess. I must do something different. “Really?,” you ask in that sarcastic voice I know you’re using right now (don’t deny it. I know most of the people who are reading this blog).

So, yes. Something different. I was actually formulating an idea about that this week that was going to be the entry I’d write tonight, but I AWOL’d instead. So back to square one. I have a feeling I will be in Basic Training for awhile, so no worries if you choose to not check in to the blog for awhile. It may be the Break Up rendition of Ground Hog Day. Or, maybe you’ll check back next week and we’ll all be surprised.

I hope so.